I was asked a question by a random man online. Asking why men isolate themselves and keep their feelings to themselves.

For me, alot of it comes down to feeling like it’s my job to deal with things on my own.

I’ve spent most of my life believing that being a man meant solving problems, not openly admitting I have them. If something was wrong, it’s on me to fix it. If I couldn’t fix it, I simply kept it to myself until I could. I believe that’s a lot of men’s truth.

I’ve struggled with anxiety for years, but you’d never know it from looking at me. My friends still don’t know and I’ve suffered for over a decade. I still went to work. Still paid the bills. Still made jokes (probably made more jokes). Still tried to be the best dad my son deserves. On the outside, everything looks fine. Inside, my head’s often running a completely different story.

The weird thing is, I find it easier to talk to a room full of strangers (performing stand up) than the people closest to me about what’s really bothering me. I think that’s because once you say something to a loved one, you feel like you’ll be forever judged on it. As long as it’s trapped in my own head, then I can keep it under control.

I also hate the idea of being a burden. If my partner, family or friends were already dealing with their own problems, why would I add mine to the pile? A problem shared isn’t a problem halted, it’s a problem doubled. Because now we have the same problem. So instead I’d carry it around myself and pretend I was fine.

The irony is that pretending you’re fine can become exhausting. You spend so much energy trying not to worry other people, that you end up carrying the weight on your own.

I don’t think men isolate themselves because they want to. I think a lot of us just don’t want to be a burden to other people.